Did you do the self-limiting beliefs exercise in Part I? If so, what did you learn about the thoughts that limit you and keep you stuck?

The good news is that these thoughts are in your mind and you are the one that gives them power and meaning! That means… you can change them! As a matter of fact, you are the only one who can!

How?

Through a powerful process of inquiry that doesn’t just work with your conscious mind, it allows your deeper consciousness to participate as well.

Step 1: Identify the thought or belief. A common one that comes up with women is: “Taking care of myself is selfish.”

Step 2: Ask yourself: How does this thought/belief make me feel? Thinking that taking care of yourself is selfish is likely to make you feel resentful, tired and cranky. Every time you have an opportunity to rest or nurture yourself, your mind tells you that you should be productive or that someone else needs your attention. If you follow that self-limiting thought, you are going to burn yourself out and not be very fun to be around!

Step 3: Consider:  Where did this thought/belief come from? Perhaps you had selfless female role models who never took time for themselves (and maybe made others pay for it later). You might get this idea from cultural beliefs about the way women or mothers should act. Maybe you have a deep feeling of unworthiness that says that you have not earned or do not deserve to take care of yourself. Often women come to the deeper self-limiting belief that says: “I am not worth taking care of.”

Step 4: Be curious: Is this thought/belief 100% true? Does self-care automatically equate selfishness? Most women that I know who are worried about being selfish are the ones who are so committed to their families, work or community that they give and give and give… Selfishness is being so concerned with yourself that you never think of or care for the needs of others. True self-care is simply being in balance: caring for yourself and others!

Step 5: Shift it!  If the self-limiting thought is not true, what would be a more honest thought/belief that also reflects your values? Of course you want to care for others and you truly need to take care of yourself so that you have love and attention to share. A new thought might be: When I take care of myself, I have more to give to the people and activities in my life!

Step 6: Take action!  What can I do that reflects my new thought/belief? Self-limiting thinking is addictive and we have formed habits that correspond with these thoughts. In order to truly change them, you have to be willing to form new habits. If you are committed to taking better care of yourself so you have more to share with those you love, you might finally listen to your body and start going to yoga. Maybe you are going to let something go that you have been doing out of obligation. Or perhaps you will take some time each week to paint, dance or practice your favorite musical instrument. Chose something that nourishes you!

Transforming self-limiting thinking will change your life and relationships. And,  you are doing it as much for those you love as for yourself.  When you are not willing to buy into limiting thoughts, you inspire those around you to question their own. If you are a parent, you will be teaching your children to think more positively.

Leave a comment and share what self-limiting thought/belief you are shifting!

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I often work with women entrepreneurs who identify closely with their businesses. They want their business to match their values, represent the best aspects of themselves and positively impact others. Some people call this “Soul-Centered Business”.

Recently, I took a wonderful workshop with a small one-woman company called Good Karma Marketing, Small Actions Create Big Results! Besides developing a marketing plan that really works to serve my clients (rather than sell to them), I also was able to refine my USP (unique selling proposition). This is the central message that allows your clients to know who you are and what is special about what you offer.

I wrote a short blog about clarifying your USP for Mamapreneurs, Inc., if you are a business owner, you are going to want to read it!

Are you curious about my USP?

It is simply: I know and believe in women and inspire them to know and trust themselves.

Clarity is my central message. When my clients have clarity they feel empowered to take action, they know what choices to make, are more intentional and aligned with purpose. They trust themselves, so that no matter what they are working with: business development, relationship challenges, health habits, life transitions…they know what steps to take.

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As a client was leaving my office last week, she turned to me and said: “Savannah, you are a brain organizer.” I looked puzzled for a minute and then laughed when she said, “My thoughts are so clear right now!”

As a Life Coach for women, a big part of my job is supporting clients in uncovering the truth that hides beneath their limiting thoughts about themselves and their lives. Like a professional organizer who comes in and helps you see beneath the piles and stacks to the essence of what you really want to have in your space, I guide my clients to do the same within themselves.

We all have regularly occurring thoughts that block our progress and growth, that tell us lies about our self-worth and that sabotage our relationships. Some are fairly obvious and we only half-believe them. Other thoughts are woven into our consciousness so deeply that we don’t even know they are limiting us.

The first step to freedom from limiting thoughts and beliefs is to become aware of them. For the more obvious ones, this is fairly simple and you probably already question them regularly. “No one likes me” might come to the surface when you are feeling low, but you don’t really believe it most of the time.

But the deeper limiting beliefs can be more difficult to uncover.

Once you understand the common qualities of a self-limiting thought/belief, you will be able to identify and shift them.

1. Limiting thoughts and beliefs are usually based in fear. They often have common themes like: fear of abandonment (I need to make other people happy so they will stick around); fear of deprivation (You should work hard (at a job you hate) or you will end up in the streets); fear of failure (I have to be productive all the time or things will fall apart).

2. They tell us who we have to be in order to be loved and accepted. “If I am my authentic self, no one will really like me.” These thoughts tell you that you are not accepted or acceptable just as you are.

3. They block your progress and keep you stuck. Whenever you are feeling stuck or un-happy, you can bet a self-limiting belief is operating. People are often afraid to take a risk and try something that would be really fulfilling for them because of a limiting belief like: “Things never turn out to be as good as you want.”

Ready to discover some of your self-limiting beliefs? Try the following exercise:

Take some time in a quiet place and contemplate each phrase. Allow your mind to quickly react to each one and take note of what comes to you. Move on to the next phrase only when you feel complete.

I am…

I am not…

Women are…

Men are…

I am good with…

I am not good with…

I will never be able to…

I don’t deserve…

My family…

I always…

I never…

I should…

I have to…

Money is…

Now go through your list and circle the ones that feel self-limiting or that hold you back in life.

Check back next week for Part II where I share an important process for transforming these limiting thoughts.

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