Have you been thinking about your New Year’s resolutions?

Many people consider the New Year to be a fresh start and the perfect time to recommit to a healthier, more fulfilled lifestyle. One problem with resolutions is that they often come from a place of self-judgment (I am overweight, I watch too much TV, I should get a better job, etc.) rather than from a place of self-love. Resolutions can also be difficult to keep, have unrealistic goals and set you up for feeling like a failure.

True, sustainable change comes from within. Often, when we make a resolution, we are only addressing exterior changes or habits instead of looking deeper to find the limiting beliefs, unmet needs or negative thought patterns that create the unhealthy behaviors we seek to change.

You may find that for a couple of months you do follow through with your resolutions, but then slowly slide back into old habits. This is because you have not identified or shifted the root cause of the unwanted behavior!

This year, before you make those resolutions, consider the following questions:

1. Why do I want to change this part of my life?
2. What difference would it make if I set this intention?
3. What has been keeping me in this old pattern or behavior? What do I get out of it? Everything we do, including negative behaviors, has a pay-off.
4. What do I need in order to really make this work? How can I make this goal more reasonable?
5. Which of my strengths or skills can I use to be successful? Who else can help me?
6. What is the most loving, positive way I can frame my intention?

Choose intentions that make you feel positive, hopeful and empowered. Make sure they are also realistic and that you actually believe them. You are not going to get very far with a resolution that you doubt. For example: If “this year I am going to make a million dollars” feels possible for you, then go for it. But if you are trying to convince yourself, chose something more reasonable! Instead, try “this year I will increase my income by at least 20%.” And then make a list of ways to achieve that goal.

Be very mindful of your language. Losing weight is the most common New Year’s goal. But remember, anything you lose must later be found! Instead, focus on your goal. I will reach my healthy weight of 145 pounds is much more affirming! Then consider all of the lifestyle changes that it will take to reach this goal, including self-acceptance. You have to start with loving yourself, right as you are today.

And use language that is positive. Instead of saying what you don’t want to do: I won’t yell at my kids anymore, say what you will do: I will speak to my children with respect and leave the room when I cannot. Spend some time understanding what you need in order to have the patience to live this intention every day.

While the New Year is a great time to recommit to your best life, remember that each moment you have a choice with every action and thought, all year long. If in a few months you find yourself losing ground with your goals, just start over. There’s no reason to wait until 2010!

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Have you found yourself focusing on some scary what ifs? lately? In a climate of change, many people are fearing the worst. What if I lose my job? What if we can’t pay our bills? What if I have to go back to work waiting tables?

I was talking to my Personal Coach the other day about some of my own concerns and she challenged me to play the What If? Game!

Here is how it works:

• Take a sheet of paper and write out all the scary what ifs?. Really admit to yourself exactly what you are afraid might happen. If you have a partner, it would be really powerful to do this together.
• Allow yourself to feel all the feelings that go with the scary what ifs? and acknowledge the reasons you have these fears.
• Then take the page and burn it, shred it, send into oblivion.
• Then take a new, fresh page. Right out all the other what ifs?. You know the ones that are also possible… What if you get a raise? What if you have a new idea in your business and your clients love it? What if every day is filled with the joy of being with your kids and you find more supportive connections in your community?
• Allow yourself to feel what your life would be like if these possibilities were true!
• Then, challenge yourself every day to take an action, however small, towards making these reality.

You see, we don’t really know the future. Unless you are way more psychic than me, you don’t know what could happen in your life. Yes, maybe some of the scary what ifs?. But also maybe some of the really positive ones. And the thing is, I believe that where ever you focus your attention, your creative energy follows. If you don’t know what might happen, why not focus on what you would love to have happen?

I am not suggesting you sink into denial or become an overly positive, head-in-the-clouds person. I think you can be very grounded and also keep your attention focused on the possibilities by being present with the every day, current reality of your life while moving towards your intentions.

So, go ahead. Play the What If? Game!

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You know how good it feels when you achieve your goals, whether they are small household projects (which can make a big difference) or long-term dreams! Read my post in the Tranquil Parent today for some valuable tips on how to be successful with your goal setting.

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