Last week I had the pleasure of being interviewed on Single and Unplugged, an internet radio show dedicated to supporting and inspiring single parents. My topic was self nurture: how to tend to yourself when time and money are often limited. It was a great show and I think the information and insights are relevant to any busy parent, single or partnered. Please listen and share with your friends!

No Comments »

I am so thrilled to be a part of the Portland Mama Makeover essay contest giveaway! We had more than 200 women apply and so many who really deserve the nurturing of this special opportunity. So much so that we decided to choose 4 runners-up! If you want to read about the mamas who were chosen and all the self-care they are going to experience, check out the Mama Makeover site!

I have been in contact with the winner Andrea Moore and can’t wait to start our 6 life coaching sessions! She is a truly committed mama to Sophia, almost 12, Maddy, 2 and a half, and their Angel: Michael Dominic who lived 15 days on earth. She is healing from the loss of her precious baby and ready to focus some attention on herself and “start living again.” This 8 week holistic makeover will give her the support and tools that she needs to do just that. If you want to follow her journey and cheer her on every step of the way, please bookmark the Mama Makeover blog where she will be posting updates!

It is an honor for me to work with women who are truly ready for positive change and greater clarity in their lives!

No Comments »

I am reading a very thought-provoking book right now. Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World by Peggy Orenstein is based on 200 interviews with women between the ages of 20 and 45 about the choices that they are making in a world only half changed by feminism.

While these women have so many more opportunities than women did three decades ago, they are still very conflicted when it comes to navigating the myriad of decisions around career and family life.

When to get married and have kids, how to move forward in their careers while making time for their families, how to “share” household and child care with busy working husbands…or even not to have kids and just focus on career. And some moms decide to stay home with young children but feel left behind and misunderstood by a world focused on achievement.

One issue with this book is that it only focuses on a small sub-culture: white, highly educated, heterosexual, middle to upper class women. The other thing that was missing for me was an exploration of the bigger picture. Why is our culture so focused on achievement and money at all costs? What would change if feminine power was acknowledged instead of women being expected to operate the same way a man would? Would our world be kinder and less violent?

Flux is a fascinating read because it offers intimate glimpses into the women’s lives and stories. Orenstein doesn’t try to come up with any solutions, but does suggest that equality would be better served by men taking on more child-raising and household tasks and work environments being more family-friendly.

I know that there isn’t one way that will work for every woman and her family. I have found that when we listen deeply to our hearts and inner wisdom (rather than what society tells us we should be doing) we will always find the answer.

How do you make choices in your own life around career and family?

1 Comment »

As the mama of a toddler and a teenager, I have experienced the challenges and joys of parenting at “difficult” ages. Yes, toddlers are expressive little beings and teens are interested in exploring independence, but with respect and communication, you can maintain a deep connection.

My article in the Tranquil Parent this week is an interview with two mamas who are passionate about spreading the message: Don’t believe the hype! The teen years can be wonderful and magical. Avert a connection crisis – start now to build a trusting relationship with your preteen/teen. Give it a read!

No Comments »

As a personal coach for women, I notice a common theme for working mamas is guilt. Most of the mamas I talk to experience guilt at one time or another. Either they feel like that are failing their own standards as moms or they feel like they can’t keep up with the demands of life and business.

Often the women who are the most passionate about their work and families are the ones who fall into the guilt trap most often.

But as you know, guilt is not very productive. It doesn’t make you a better mom or help you think proactively about your life. However, it is a great indicator that it is time to think creatively and shift priorities!

My article today for Mamapreneurs, Inc. is all about why giving up the guilt is good for your family and your business! Give it a read!

No Comments »

In my current Work & Life Harmony, group coaching for busy mamas, we have been talking about guilt and how it affects our relationships and every aspect of our lives.

As mamas, we care so much about our families and tend to identify our personal worth in how we feel about the way we mother our children and relate to our partners. We hold ourselves up to often impossibly high standards and have a hard time letting go of our “failures.”

Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever have and perhaps the hardest one to measure in terms of success and progress. Our children are constantly growing and changing and just when we have it all “figured out,” we have toreinvent ourselves.

Because guilt can be such a confusing and deceptive emotion, I always ask, “What is under the guilt?” You see, this big emotion is generally covering some even deeper and more profound feelings. Often guilt is just the symptom.

What is under the guilt?

• A limiting belief or thought. These are the often unconscious messages that control our emotions and help us to feel stuck and unhappy. A common limiting belief that causes guilt for mamas is: Taking care of myself is selfish. Because we are the nurturers, we often feel bad when we take time away from our children to meet our own needs. But is it true? Is it really selfish to take care of yourself?
• An unmet need. Feelings of guilt and self-doubt can be symptoms of a deep need for more connection with our children or partners or for more time being truly present with the ones we love. The key here is quality not quantity. You could spend all day with your kids being distracted and exhausted and not give them the care you can in one hour of being present and listening.
• An un-lived core value. Sometimes we feel guilty when we are not living up to our own personal values. If you are passionate about communicating compassionately and yet find yourself yelling at your kids, you are likely to feel terrible. Or if you care about creating community but feel isolated and lonely, you might turn that into a story about being a bad mother. The key is to uncover what it is you care about, what is missing,  and focus on simple actions to bring more of it into your life.
• A strong emotion. Often guilt covers deeper feelings like fear, sadness or frustration. We turn these emotions into self-blame when really we are just stressed with our life situation, feeling anxious or worried, or sad. Guilt can be an easier feeling to process because we can just feel bad about ourselves rather than really look at our lives and our own needs.

So, the next time you notice feelings of guilt and self-judgment sneaking in, ask yourself some questions. What am I really needing right now? What am I telling myself? Is it true? What other feelings can I uncover? What do I care about that I am not living up to right now?

And remember, guilt is a universal emotion for mamas. You are not alone. Having heartfelt conversations with other mamas can be very supportive and enlightening. That mama that you compare yourself to, the one that you think does such a better job than you at “doing it all,” she has her days of guilt and self-doubt too!

No Comments »