Every so often, I am awed by the utter courage of one my clients. Remember, courage is feeling the fear and still taking right action. This type of courage requires profound clarity and oodles of support (queue Jane Sibery singing “Calling All Angels”).

One such inspiring client made a courageous leap in her life this week and wrote a manifesto to declare her intentions. She has given me permission to share it! Click on the image to see a larger version.

By Zohar Manor-Abel, shared via Flickr

To begin 2012, I have a simple question for you: Who do you want to be this year?

You, like everyone else I have met through my life coaching practice, have many different selves inside. You might have a worried self that tends to agonize about money and a jaded self that feels skeptical about getting too close to people and a hopeful self that wants to have an impact on the world…and many other selves that have conflicting feelings.

The themes might be different for each of us, but the truth is clear: moment to moment, we can choose who to be.

Every action you take and attitude you hold comes from some version of your self. So, change who you are being…and you truly change your life.

The very first step is to be mindful (pay compassionate attention) to who you are being. You might ask yourself: How do I feel right now? What does this version of myself believe? What else feels true?

If you would like to explore this more, I invite you to join my next Self Nurture Women’s Group. We will practice important skills like: mindfulness, self-compassion, connecting to inner knowing and more!

His foundation, The Archimedes Alliance, is named after the Greek mathematician who said, “give me a lever long enough and a place to stand, and I can move the earth.”

By NASA Goddard Photo and Video, shared via Flickr

“I knew there were people who wanted to make a difference but didn’t have enough money to do it on their own,” he says in his on-line video. “Now, they don’t have to. I launched the Archimedes Alliance to leverage the power of the Internet and to bring together people of good intentions and limited resources and give them a voice and a means to create the change they envision.”

I just donated from my Nurture Life Coaching business account, please take a minute to send your own donation right now!

Over the years of working with my life coaching clients, I have realized something very simple, yet profound: giving and receiving both require being open.

In order to freely gift another person with your time, energy, money…you must be willing to open your hands and let go.

Likewise, to receive requires you to open your arms and heart to the gift that is being given. Gratitude is an expansive feeling.

Photo by jonathan.hadiprawira, shared via flickr

This brings to mind the beautiful poem by Rumi entitled “Birdwings”

“Your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror up to where you’re bravely working.

Expecting the worst, you look, and instead, here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.

Your hand opens and closes and opens and closes. if it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralyzed.

Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, The two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as bird wings.”

In other words: “When you are most yourself, who are you being and what are you doing?” In an ideal world, each of us would be doing meaningful work that is sparked from the essence of who we are. Work that we would do naturally, even if no one paid us for it. Work that we can’t help but do because it is the expression of our own form of genius. And I promise, we all have it.

Photo by em-si, shared via flickr

The process of uncovering your genius is not always easy. It is often buried beneath layers of enculturation, limiting beliefs and painful life experiences. I believe we were each born expecting to be supported in the unfolding of our own brilliance. But we live in an imperfect world and often our self-expression is thwarted.

I trust implicitly that each person who walks in my office for life coaching has that seed of genius inside. I am dedicated to shining the sunlight of clarity and the nourishment of support so that it can grow and grow and grow!

Photo by lensfodder, shared via flickr

People often come to life coaching wanting to change the circumstances of their lives: they want a more fulfilling job, better communication in their relationships, improved health, ect… In a nutshell: they want to be happier!

In our work together, they soon discover that happiness is not about what happens and that it can even be somewhat dangerous to their well-being to make happiness depend on the right job, relationship or finally achieving their health goals.

Are you wondering why? Isn’t that just what they are hiring me to help them accomplish?

Circumstances are transitory and depending on them for happiness is a fragile way to live. It can leave you exhausted and anxious from trying to hold on too tight.

In my years is supporting people in having more joyful lives, I have learned that happiness is an attitude. It is inspired, not by what happens, but by who you are being in relationship to what happens.

I have witnessed clients realizing their own strength and wisdom in dealing with some of the most challenging of situations. I have seen them shift perspective from fear to choice even when the options once felt limited. And I have been awed by how gratitude can create a lasting happiness that has nothing to do with happenstance.

And the irony is that life situations do react to our inner state of being. The more joyful and centered we choose to be, despite difficulties that arise (and they do), the more life seems to align in our favor.

Photo by Martin Burns, shared via Flickr

Rama is on a journey through the wilderness with some friends. He keeps hearing his name being called from afar even though no one else can hear the voice. After some time, he decides that he can’t rest without discovering what is calling his name so he sets off alone to head the call. Finally, the voice seems to be coming from a large, hard rock. Rama places his hands compassionately on the rock to better understand how it could be speaking to him. And this kind touch releases the curse on the Goddess Ahalya and she bursts out of the rock. This begins a new chapter of life for them both. 

What I loved about this version of the story is the way Rama can not rest until he heeds the call that no one else can hear. We all have times in our life when we feel “called” toward something, even when it doesn’t make sense to others (or ourselves for that matter). Sometimes we ignore the call and this causes suffering. But sometimes we are brave enough to set out alone and follow the voice we hear deep inside.

Another point this story makes is the importance of compassion. Rama was willing to lay a kind hand on the rock even though he couldn’t make sense of his experience and didn’t know what was being asked of him. We all have opportunities to turn kind, compassionate attention toward the confusing events of life and when we do, surprising outcomes can occur. Like a beautiful woman bursting out of the rock! And that beautiful woman is usually just another version of ourselves that has been waiting to be seen and acknowledged.

What is calling you lately? Is it time to pause and heed the call?

Photo by lifescript, via Flickr

When I posted a link to the video on Facebook, a dear friend appreciated the message but asked the question, “so without having a tragedy like this, how does one connect with her body?” I thought this was such an important question that I am answering it here. There is no one right answer, but these are some of the ways I have learned from the women I have worked with over the past 8 years.

Be aware of present-time experiences. Your body is living in this very moment while your mind is often mulling over the past or future tripping. The more you are able to be in the right now, the more connected you will be to your body.

Listen to your body’s signals and impulses. Your body is incredibly wise and offers you subtle (and not-so subtle) cues about what you need in terms of rest, nourishment, movement, connection and more. Even taking a few seconds to take some deep breaths and ask, “What do I need right now?” will give you some answers. And remember,  your breath is the one unconscious thing your body does that you can make conscious just by paying attention!

Time time for body-loving rituals. Dig your toes deep in the mud of your garden, get some bodywork, make love to yourself (or someone else) and relish every delicious second of it, do a sun salutation in front of your living room window…

Move. If you hate going to the gym, please don’t go. Instead, move in what ever way your body does enjoy. Dance, hula hoop, walk and talk with a friend, row a boat, learn martial arts, play in the water, run around the park hugging trees with your kiddos…whatever you do, let your body do what it loves. And I promise, every body enjoys some form of movement.

Appreciate at least one thing about your body every single day. That’s right, look in the mirror and find something to love about yourself. Your strong legs, great complexion, smooth elbows, naturally wavy hair, brilliant smile…

Photo by Mario Izquierdo, via Flickr

Please leave your own ideas about connecting with your body in the comments below!

Photo by labguest, shared via Flickr

Do you ever wonder why it is so difficult to communicate when you are upset? In the moments when you would most like to clearly speak about your feelings and thoughts, do you find yourself stuttering, confused, and verbally frustrated?

The source of your problem may be in the structure of your brain! Neuroscientist Paul MacLean coined the term “triune brain” to describe his theory that there are three distinct but interconnected layers of the human brain: the brain stem, the limbic system, and the cerebral cortex. A complex network of nerves connects the limbic system and the cerebral cortex, linking your thoughts and emotions.

But, this is not a perfect system, especially when you are under stress. Many of your deepest feelings are experienced through the limbic system but it can be a difficult translation through the more logical cerebral cortex and into language.

You do however have in your capacity a tool that can make a difference: empathy. Your ability to sense the emotional pain of another person (and yourself) resides in your limbic system. However, when you actively use empathy, you also employ your cerebral cortex to make observations and reflections about your own and another person’s experience. This can help both regions of your brain work together and help you communicate more clearly!

Here are some basic steps for using empathy to communicate more clearly:

1. Begin by noticing your own feelings with as much compassion as possible. This mindful observing will begin the process of engaging both the limbic and cerebral regions of your brain.

2. Consider the perspective of the other person and make some guesses about what they are feeling and needing. Set aside your your criticisms as much as possible.

3. Instead of stumbling to force your feelings into a logical argument, simply share what exactly you are feeling. You might be surprised how just naming a feeling helps you to feel more clear.

If you want to learn more about effective communication, my good friend LaShelle Chard offers some very helpful workshops.

But taking action can be difficult. You might be frozen by fear, stuck in old patterns and habits or lose your certainty once it becomes time to actually do something about it.

Don’t worry, you are not alone! This is not your problem, this is a human problem. And the solution is close. As a matter of fact, it is right there in your heart. So, don’t get lost in your fear mind when it comes time to take steps towards your truth. Slow down and listen carefully. The clarity already knows the exact right action to take.

I use mindfulness in client sessions because it allows us to do just that: pay careful attention to the inner voice and see the obstacles more clearly.

*This is re-posted from my Clarity Speaking e-letter. If you would like to get sweet short burst of clarity in your in-box a couple of times per month, you can subscribe here.