Posted Sep 9th 2011by Savannahin General
Today in Vinyasa yoga class, the instructor told a story that I thought you might appreciate. There are many versions of the story of how the Hindu God Rama rescues the Goddess Ahalya from her cursed life inside a rock. The version I heard today is as follows:
Photo by Martin Burns, shared via Flickr
Rama is on a journey through the wilderness with some friends. He keeps hearing his name being called from afar even though no one else can hear the voice. After some time, he decides that he can’t rest without discovering what is calling his name so he sets off alone to head the call. Finally, the voice seems to be coming from a large, hard rock. Rama places his hands compassionately on the rock to better understand how it could be speaking to him. And this kind touch releases the curse on the Goddess Ahalya and she bursts out of the rock. This begins a new chapter of life for them both.
What I loved about this version of the story is the way Rama can not rest until he heeds the call that no one else can hear. We all have times in our life when we feel “called” toward something, even when it doesn’t make sense to others (or ourselves for that matter). Sometimes we ignore the call and this causes suffering. But sometimes we are brave enough to set out alone and follow the voice we hear deep inside.
Another point this story makes is the importance of compassion. Rama was willing to lay a kind hand on the rock even though he couldn’t make sense of his experience and didn’t know what was being asked of him. We all have opportunities to turn kind, compassionate attention toward the confusing events of life and when we do, surprising outcomes can occur. Like a beautiful woman bursting out of the rock! And that beautiful woman is usually just another version of ourselves that has been waiting to be seen and acknowledged.
What is calling you lately? Is it time to pause and heed the call?
Posted Aug 12th 2011by Savannahin General
The other day I watched this tough and touching TED Talk by Eve Ensler, the creator of the “Vagina Monologues”. She tells her story of living disconnected from her body, until traumatic events shocked her into realizing her own physicality. Please take a few minutes to watch it!
 Photo by lifescript, via Flickr When I posted a link to the video on Facebook, a dear friend appreciated the message but asked the question, “so without having a tragedy like this, how does one connect with her body?” I thought this was such an important question that I am answering it here. There is no one right answer, but these are some of the ways I have learned from the women I have worked with over the past 8 years.
Be aware of present-time experiences. Your body is living in this very moment while your mind is often mulling over the past or future tripping. The more you are able to be in the right now, the more connected you will be to your body.
Listen to your body’s signals and impulses. Your body is incredibly wise and offers you subtle (and not-so subtle) cues about what you need in terms of rest, nourishment, movement, connection and more. Even taking a few seconds to take some deep breaths and ask, “What do I need right now?” will give you some answers. And remember, your breath is the one unconscious thing your body does that you can make conscious just by paying attention!
Time time for body-loving rituals. Dig your toes deep in the mud of your garden, get some bodywork, make love to yourself (or someone else) and relish every delicious second of it, do a sun salutation in front of your living room window…
Move. If you hate going to the gym, please don’t go. Instead, move in what ever way your body does enjoy. Dance, hula hoop, walk and talk with a friend, row a boat, learn martial arts, play in the water, run around the park hugging trees with your kiddos…whatever you do, let your body do what it loves. And I promise, every body enjoys some form of movement.
Appreciate at least one thing about your body every single day. That’s right, look in the mirror and find something to love about yourself. Your strong legs, great complexion, smooth elbows, naturally wavy hair, brilliant smile…
 Photo by Mario Izquierdo, via Flickr Please leave your own ideas about connecting with your body in the comments below!
Posted Jul 26th 2011by Savannahin General
 Photo by labguest, shared via Flickr Do you ever wonder why it is so difficult to communicate when you are upset? In the moments when you would most like to clearly speak about your feelings and thoughts, do you find yourself stuttering, confused, and verbally frustrated?
The source of your problem may be in the structure of your brain! Neuroscientist Paul MacLean coined the term “triune brain” to describe his theory that there are three distinct but interconnected layers of the human brain: the brain stem, the limbic system, and the cerebral cortex. A complex network of nerves connects the limbic system and the cerebral cortex, linking your thoughts and emotions.
But, this is not a perfect system, especially when you are under stress. Many of your deepest feelings are experienced through the limbic system but it can be a difficult translation through the more logical cerebral cortex and into language.
You do however have in your capacity a tool that can make a difference: empathy. Your ability to sense the emotional pain of another person (and yourself) resides in your limbic system. However, when you actively use empathy, you also employ your cerebral cortex to make observations and reflections about your own and another person’s experience. This can help both regions of your brain work together and help you communicate more clearly!
Here are some basic steps for using empathy to communicate more clearly:
1. Begin by noticing your own feelings with as much compassion as possible. This mindful observing will begin the process of engaging both the limbic and cerebral regions of your brain.
2. Consider the perspective of the other person and make some guesses about what they are feeling and needing. Set aside your your criticisms as much as possible.
3. Instead of stumbling to force your feelings into a logical argument, simply share what exactly you are feeling. You might be surprised how just naming a feeling helps you to feel more clear.
If you want to learn more about effective communication, my good friend LaShelle Chard offers some very helpful workshops.
Posted Jun 30th 2011by Savannahin Being Present,; clarity,; Mindfulness
While inner clarity is the primary focus of my life coaching work with women, intentional action is usually the next step. Once you have inner knowing, it becomes important for your outer world to match your inner truth. Anything less begins to feel like a self-betrayal.
But taking action can be difficult. You might be frozen by fear, stuck in old patterns and habits or lose your certainty once it becomes time to actually do something about it.
Don’t worry, you are not alone! This is not your problem, this is a human problem. And the solution is close. As a matter of fact, it is right there in your heart. So, don’t get lost in your fear mind when it comes time to take steps towards your truth. Slow down and listen carefully. The clarity already knows the exact right action to take.
I use mindfulness in client sessions because it allows us to do just that: pay careful attention to the inner voice and see the obstacles more clearly.
*This is re-posted from my Clarity Speaking e-letter. If you would like to get sweet short burst of clarity in your in-box a couple of times per month, you can subscribe here.
Posted Jun 9th 2011by Savannahin creativity,; life purpose
 Photo by Extra Medium via Flickr One of my coaching buddies sent me a link to a meaningful blog post about how we commonly answer the question, “What do you do?” The most common response is to answer in terms of our work/career or for parents staying home with children, our family status.
But you are so much more than just the job you do (even if you love it) and only defining yourself by your relationships isn’t enough either.
In my Living On Purpose group for women, we explore life purpose as who you are rather than what you do. Your beingness is expressed through the activities and roles you play in your life, but it is not hostage to them. Take a moment to read this inspiring blog by Melani Marx as she answers the “What do you do?” question in a unique and authentic way.
Feel free to leave some thoughts in the comments about how you would like to respond to “What do you do?” a new way!
Posted May 18th 2011by Savannahin Being Present,; Being Successful,; Mindfulness,; Personal Growth
 By Leo Reynolds via Flickr In my life coaching work with women, I am regularly faced with the honor and challenge of helping clients mitigate the negative impacts of perfectionism.
One of my primary tools for working with clients who are highly self-critical is self-compassion.
An article this week on MSNBC describes recent research showing self-compassion to be much more important to resilience and personal happiness than self-esteem. I see this every day in my office when a client finally, often after years of listening to the internal critical voice, begins to hear a more compassionate ally within.
The cultural focus on self-esteem has misdirected parents to either over-praise kids or push them relentlessly towards performance. According to the article, “But now scientists are realizing they may have been measuring the wrong thing; all the benefits of having high self-esteem are equally found among the self-compassionate, said psychologist Mark Leary, a researcher at Duke University. And when statistically looking at self-compassion alone, the negative aspects of high self-esteem, such as narcissism, disappear.”
The depression, anxiety and stress of perfectionism also lessen or disappear when self-compassion is practiced.
Kristin Neff, associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin (my alma mater) is spearheading research on self-compassion. Her book, “Self Compassion, Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind” was published this Spring.
Neff defines self-compassion through three aspects: mindfulness, common humanity and kindness.
In my practice, I regularly use mindfulness with clients to help them pay careful attention to their own thoughts, feelings and body sensations. This creates an ability to self-reflect and be more present and takes them out of automatic critical mode.
My understanding of common humanity is simple this: we are all connected and none of us is alone in experiencing difficulty. Normalizing common feelings can be hugely helpful in inspiring self-compassion. It also increases a sense of personal courage to know that other people have similar feelings and experiences.
And kindness is an attitude that must be directed both inwardly and outwardly. The true measure of compassion is not the ability to be kind to others, but the ability to be kind to oneself. And the research is showing this to be absolutely true.
Researcher Mark Leary says,”Self-compassion begins to sound like you are indulging yourself, but we don’t find that. People high in self-compassion tend to have higher standards, work harder and take more personal responsibility for their actions.”
Tags: acceptance, achievement, Being Present, life coaching, perfectionism, portland Oregon, self-limiting beliefs, women
Posted Apr 11th 2011by Savannahin General
I discovered an inspiring TED Talk this week that I urge you to watch! Caroline Casey was born with a limitation (no spoilers) that she never let get the best of her. Her talk is focused on the power of perception and true self acceptance. In her words: “When you really believe in yourself, it is extraordinary what happens…freedom is truly being yourself.”
A big piece of the life coaching work I do with clients is helping them to see past their own limitations, both perceived and actual. And sometimes the gifts in our lives are actually within our own limitations and challenges. For Caroline Casey, this was the truth. Her adventurous spirit demanded that she live her dreams, despite a significant disability, and now she is helping others do the same. Watch it on TED Talks. You will be glad you did!
Posted Apr 4th 2011by Savannahin Health and Healing,; Motherhood,; Self-Nurture
I had such an amazing experience last year as the Life Coach for the 2010 winner of the Portland Mama Makeover, Andrea Moore! She inspired me with her courage, her authenticity and dedication to healing.
The Portland Mama Makeover is a holistic, from the inside-out, makeover for one lucky mama each year. There are also mini-makeovers for runners-up. The businesses and practitioners who support the winner for the 8 weeks are some of the most talented and dedicated in Portland, OR.
I met this year’s winner, Carrie Hartley, last week to begin our series of 6 Life Coaching sessions. We quickly realized that our focus would be fostering a deeper sense of self-love and acceptance. In her words: “Baby steps… I am learning how to do this. Love myself, love myself, love myself…”
You can follow her experience on the Mama Makeover blog and also follow them on Facebook for on-going prizes. It is sure to be an inspiring journey!
Posted Feb 18th 2011by Savannahin General
Imagine you had to be with someone 24 hours per day and share everything from sleep to relationships to your deepest emotional experiences. Would you be wiser to make this individual your ally or your enemy? Would acceptance and trust be more helpful than resistance and resentment? What if the way you treated her impacted every area of your life…would you be kinder?
Each of us has a relationship just like this in our lives.
You might wonder who this could be, but it’s your own body!
Sometimes we treat our bodies like enemies rather than the resource that they are. We try to reject, change and blame our bodies and sometimes even abandon them by living more in our heads.
Regardless of the challenges your body has, from food allergies to chronic illness, working with (rather than against) her is the path to greater freedom.
Your body is wiser than your mind can comprehend. She can help you heal emotional pain, make clear choices and find your equilibrium. No matter how many times you feel like she has let you down, treat her with compassion and understanding (as you would anyone you love).
Talk to your body as you would your dearest friend. Let her guide and support you to greater wholeness. Listen carefully to her messages.
She isn’t going anywhere without you.
Posted Jan 6th 2011by Savannahin Being Present,; clarity,; creativity,; Personal Growth,; Self-Nurture
Happy 2011!
If you are focusing on some New Year’s intentions or resolutions, I encourage you to read my column this month in Portland Woman Magazine. It is all about the 5 reasons most resolutions fail and how to insure that your resolution sticks! Just hit click on Portland Woman Magazine (link here) and then click on the current issue. You can then use the scroll button on the bottom left hand page to choose my column, “Get a Life (coach)!” The article will open right up. Use the magnifying glass icon to zoom in and make the print larger. Enjoy!
No matter how you feel about resolutions this year, I encourage you to invest some time and energy into thinking about who you want to be in 2011. You see, every day you wake up and make choices, not just through your actions but also through your beingness. This year do you want to be the victim or the hero of your circumstances? Will you be the healer of your own heart or will you continue to judge yourself? Will you be the creator of your most secret dreams or will you stifle them once again?
Above all, my hope for you this year: come home to yourself. Be the most authentic you possible!
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