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Archive for the 'health' tag
Oct 17th 2009SavannahPersonal Growth & relationships
As a personal coach for women, I often have clients arrive in my office when they are ready for change. Usually the impetus for change comes from frustration with a relationship, job situation or health challenge.
As humans, we often look outside of ourselves for answers. We think if we can just get our partners to act or think a particular way, we will be happier. If we can only land the ideal job, then everything will come together, including our finances. Or if things weren’t so difficult in our lives, we would feel better.
If I have learned anything about positive change, it is that it comes from within.
In the words of Leo Tolstoy, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
When you are truly ready for your life experiences to be different, start by taking a look at yourself first.
However, for most of us, looking in the “mirror” leads to self-judgment rather than self-empowerment. And here is where it gets tricky! You will never (and I really believe this) make sustainable, positive changes in your life from a place of self-judgment.
Sure, you might go to the gym more often if every time you look in the mirror, you can’t stand what you see. But, this is a slippery slope. Tying your self-worth to being an ideal weight can lead to guilt and self-sabotage. If you want to be more fit and healthy, love yourself just as you are enough to give your body the exercise it needs.
And instead of struggling to get another person to be different, ask yourself : what can I change in myself first? Often the very thing we want from other people is the key to our own happiness when we do it ourselves.
If you are craving understanding from your partner, take some time to look inside and see how you can be more understanding of yourself. Likewise, how can you be more understanding of your partner?
I invite you to consider all the areas of your life that are challenging for you right now. Notice how you might be trying to forcibly change an outside person or situation. As an experiement, consider what you might shift within yourself first. I promise that you will have surprisingly positive results!
Aug 27th 2009SavannahPersonal Growth & Self-Nurture
Did you do the self-limiting beliefs exercise in Part I? If so, what did you learn about the thoughts that limit you and keep you stuck?
The good news is that these thoughts are in your mind and you are the one that gives them power and meaning! That means… you can change them! As a matter of fact, you are the only one who can!
How?
Through a powerful process of inquiry that doesn’t just work with your conscious mind, it allows your deeper consciousness to participate as well.
Step 1: Identify the thought or belief. A common one that comes up with women is: “Taking care of myself is selfish.”
Step 2: Ask yourself: How does this thought/belief make me feel? Thinking that taking care of yourself is selfish is likely to make you feel resentful, tired and cranky. Every time you have an opportunity to rest or nurture yourself, your mind tells you that you should be productive or that someone else needs your attention. If you follow that self-limiting thought, you are going to burn yourself out and not be very fun to be around!
Step 3: Consider: Where did this thought/belief come from? Perhaps you had selfless female role models who never took time for themselves (and maybe made others pay for it later). You might get this idea from cultural beliefs about the way women or mothers should act. Maybe you have a deep feeling of unworthiness that says that you have not earned or do not deserve to take care of yourself. Often women come to the deeper self-limiting belief that says: “I am not worth taking care of.”
Step 4: Be curious: Is this thought/belief 100% true? Does self-care automatically equate selfishness? Most women that I know who are worried about being selfish are the ones who are so committed to their families, work or community that they give and give and give… Selfishness is being so concerned with yourself that you never think of or care for the needs of others. True self-care is simply being in balance: caring for yourself and others!
Step 5: Shift it! If the self-limiting thought is not true, what would be a more honest thought/belief that also reflects your values? Of course you want to care for others and you truly need to take care of yourself so that you have love and attention to share. A new thought might be: When I take care of myself, I have more to give to the people and activities in my life!
Step 6: Take action! What can I do that reflects my new thought/belief? Self-limiting thinking is addictive and we have formed habits that correspond with these thoughts. In order to truly change them, you have to be willing to form new habits. If you are committed to taking better care of yourself so you have more to share with those you love, you might finally listen to your body and start going to yoga. Maybe you are going to let something go that you have been doing out of obligation. Or perhaps you will take some time each week to paint, dance or practice your favorite musical instrument. Chose something that nourishes you!
Transforming self-limiting thinking will change your life and relationships. And, you are doing it as much for those you love as for yourself. When you are not willing to buy into limiting thoughts, you inspire those around you to question their own. If you are a parent, you will be teaching your children to think more positively.
Leave a comment and share what self-limiting thought/belief you are shifting!
May 7th 2009SavannahBeing Present & Self-Nurture
Do you have a busy mind? Do you feel more comfortable being productive, “getting things done” and being in motion? Do you tend to over-think or make assumptions?
If so, you are a lot like me! I have always struggled with the delicate balance between doing and being. Because I write a blog about mindfulness in mothering, you might assume that I am a master of meditation and mindfulness.
WRONG!
I am the one who needs every single one of my own reminders. I write this blog for myself more than anyone!
Yes, I have taught yoga, given over 500 massages, gone on Vipassana Retreats, led hundreds of meditation and mindfulness exercises. I even offer body-centered coaching to help my clients calm their minds and connect with their bodies.
And still, I am learning. For me, it is a daily practice.
In Buddhism, this busy mind is called the monkey mind. Imagine a room, full of screeching monkeys! It is restless and unsettled, never content in the present moment. It creates anxiety, feelings of dissatisfaction and distraction. The monkey mind will always have you doubt yourself.
My Self Nurture practice today was to focus my thoughts on being present in the moment.
Did you know that we have an average of 60.000 thoughts per day? And many of those thoughts are fears about something that might (or might not) happen, assumptions about what other people think about us and self-limiting beliefs. No wonder we get so stressed!
So today when my mind wandered away from focusing on present time, I gently nudged it back. When I remembered…Because you know how quickly the monkey mind takes over!
Here are three questions that inspire present-time thinking:
1. What am I feeling (emotions and sensations) right now?
2. Where is my attention?
3. What do I need to be more present in this moment? Sometimes it is simple like a glass of water or a deep breath. Other times it is more complex, like completing a task that is distracting me or talking about something this is bothering me.
Being present is an empowering and nurturing practice. Only in present time can I really enjoy my life, connect with my loved ones and take actions that make a difference in my health and well-being.
How are you nurturing yourself today?
May 6th 2009SavannahBeing Present & Health and Healing & Self-Nurture
Today I want to challenge you to think about your relationship to your body. The following is an article I wrote for the Zenana Spa and Wellness Center newsletter:
How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?
Your body can offer you two types of wisdom:
- Clear signals about what you need in order to be healthy.
- Intuitive information or guidance about your life direction and choices.
At times you might notice a vague sense of discomfort in your body but you don’t stop long enough to determine what it is. Or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally break down, get sick or are too exhausted to function. Sometimes your body speaks loudly and you still ignore the messages.
There are also times you might not want to listen to your body. When you are busy and stressed, you might not think you have time to slow down and take care of yourself. You get caught up in being productive, taking care of others and feeling overwhelmed. And the less you tune into your body, the more you miss the subtle messages.
But can you really afford not to listen?
Your body also sends you information through physiological sensations. Your heart rate increases, you begin to sweat, your belly or chest feels tight, or you have a sensation of “not right-ness.” Your body is asking you to pay attention.
Remember the last time you felt a strong sensation in your belly or a gripping in your chest right before you made a decision that you later regretted. If you had stopped to pause and reflect on the guidance you were receiving from your body, would you have made a different choice?
Isn’t it wonderful that your body actually does talk to you? Instead of feeling frustrated that you are so sensitive or trying to avoid pain and anxiety, you can choose to embrace the wisdom that your body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!
What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.
Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.
I am offering a FREE women’s circle on Saturday, May 16th from 3 to 4pm at Zenana Spa. We are going to focus on connecting to our body wisdom. If you want to join me, please RSVP.
For my nurturing today, I got a massage. For me, bodywork is a way to listen deeply to my body and take time to relax and restore my energy. As a massage therapist, it is imperative that I get regular bodywork. I am also very blessed to have health insurance that covers massage therapy. And don’t even get me started on how necessary it is for insurance companies to cover alternative and preventative health care…
What was your Self Nurture practice today?
May 4th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
Okay mamas, we are gearing up for another Self Nurture Challenge! This is my yearly ritual and it is a lot of fun! This year, we are going to focus on nurturing the four areas of our personal well-being: our bodies, our minds, our emotions and our spirits!
The Self Nurture Challenge will officially begin on Monday and I will post a mini-blog entry every day until Mother’s Day, reminding you of the importance of taking care of yourself and offering some insights into how to make it work in the chaos of daily life with a family!
Here is the challenge:
- Every day, starting Monday, May 4th, engage in at least one self nurturing activity. It can be fast, it can be free, but it has to be nourishing to you.
- Log on to my blog at the end of the day and I will have a daily post up by 8pm detailing my nurturing activity of the day. Leave a comment to share about what you did. Let’s inspire and support each other in caring for ourselves.
In honor of all mamas, I am offering a 20% discount on all integrative massage therapy sessions in May for any woman in the Portland, Oregon area who is actively mothering children (you might be an auntie who cares for kids, a step-mom or even a very busy grandmama). Feel free to pass this on to friends who might be interested and call to schedule your session, they will book up fast!
Stay tuned next week for the Self Nurture challenge and remember, you can subscribe to this blog by email to stay in touch.
Okay, who is going to participate in the challenge for next week?
Sep 22nd 2008SavannahHealth and Healing & Spirituality
This post is dedicated in celebration to my friend K. who is now home from the hospital and is growing stronger and more healthy every day!
How many times have you thought: Why do bad things happen to good people?
I mean, when we see bad things happening to not-so-nice people, it is just easier to make up excuses like she had it coming or that will teach him (not that I suggest this kind of rationalizing). But what about when a kind and generous person experiences something shocking and challenging?
One afternoon a gorgeous and generous woman is eating a healthy snack, the next day she is in the ICU, fighting for her life, with a rare form of E.coli that is attacking her kidneys and blood. What possible sense can be made of this?
We want to pretend that these kinds of things could never happen to us or our families. Who wants to lie awake at night, imagining that the veggie dip you gave your kids for dinner could be poisoned or that they might get a drug resistant staph infection from running in the front yard barefoot?
We are vulnerable and the world is full of danger. This much is true. But, in order to really live, we have to get up, put on our favorite jacket and go out into it anyway. If we hide in the basement or bundle our kids in bacteria-resistant saran wrap, we might be safer (unless the basement floods or the saran wrap is toxic) but we might not experience much joy either.
This is the nature of our human reality: joy and pain are intertwined in a delicate balance that can leave you stunned and grateful all in one breath. From the moments of pure bliss to the moments of sheer terror, in order to experience the fullness of being alive, you have to be willing to turn your best face to whatever shows up. You might even develop a deeper awareness of your strengths and a trust in the universe that goes beyond what you could have experienced otherwise.
Rumi says it best:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome them and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as guide from beyond.
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