Archive for the 'intentions' tag

It’s a New Year! Now what?

Jan 1st 2009SavannahBeing Successful

Have you been thinking about your New Year’s resolutions?

Many people consider the New Year to be a fresh start and the perfect time to recommit to a healthier, more fulfilled lifestyle. One problem with resolutions is that they often come from a place of self-judgment (I am overweight, I watch too much TV, I should get a better job, etc.) rather than from a place of self-love. Resolutions can also be difficult to keep, have unrealistic goals and set you up for feeling like a failure.

True, sustainable change comes from within. Often, when we make a resolution, we are only addressing exterior changes or habits instead of looking deeper to find the limiting beliefs, unmet needs or negative thought patterns that create the unhealthy behaviors we seek to change.

You may find that for a couple of months you do follow through with your resolutions, but then slowly slide back into old habits. This is because you have not identified or shifted the root cause of the unwanted behavior!

This year, before you make those resolutions, consider the following questions:

1. Why do I want to change this part of my life?
2. What difference would it make if I set this intention?
3. What has been keeping me in this old pattern or behavior? What do I get out of it? Everything we do, including negative behaviors, has a pay-off.
4. What do I need in order to really make this work? How can I make this goal more reasonable?
5. Which of my strengths or skills can I use to be successful? Who else can help me?
6. What is the most loving, positive way I can frame my intention?

Choose intentions that make you feel positive, hopeful and empowered. Make sure they are also realistic and that you actually believe them. You are not going to get very far with a resolution that you doubt. For example: If “this year I am going to make a million dollars” feels possible for you, then go for it. But if you are trying to convince yourself, chose something more reasonable! Instead, try “this year I will increase my income by at least 20%.” And then make a list of ways to achieve that goal.

Be very mindful of your language. Losing weight is the most common New Year’s goal. But remember, anything you lose must later be found! Instead, focus on your goal. I will reach my healthy weight of 145 pounds is much more affirming! Then consider all of the lifestyle changes that it will take to reach this goal, including self-acceptance. You have to start with loving yourself, right as you are today.

And use language that is positive. Instead of saying what you don’t want to do: I won’t yell at my kids anymore, say what you will do: I will speak to my children with respect and leave the room when I cannot. Spend some time understanding what you need in order to have the patience to live this intention every day.

While the New Year is a great time to recommit to your best life, remember that each moment you have a choice with every action and thought, all year long. If in a few months you find yourself losing ground with your goals, just start over. There’s no reason to wait until 2010!

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We chose hope

Nov 8th 2008SavannahCommunication & General

On Tuesday evening, I was snuggled up on the couch with a beloved friend, my toddler was bouncing on and off my lap and my teenager was 2000 miles away but as close as a whisper on the other end of the phone line.

At one point, the little guy grabbed the phone from my hand and said, “Bubba, I love you,” in his garbled toddler voice. Every day with him there is a new, exciting first.

But that night, we shared, all of us, another first. We listened to Barack Obama give his acceptance speech in front of a crowd of 200,000 people as President-Elect of the United States of America. I thought about how my kids will grow up remembering one of the first presidents in their lifetimes being an African-American. How will that change their experience of living in our diverse and beautiful country?

Every person: farmer, stockbroker, retired veteran, stay at home mom or therapist who voted for Obama on election day added their intention to his message, “Yes we can.”  We collectively decided to choose hope instead of fear, unity instead of disconnection and new action instead of the same old politics.

I believe that Obama is a leader who can create transformation. Not just because he is the first black man to hold this powerful office or because he isn’t entrenched in corporate politics, but because he inspires people of many different backgrounds and belief systems to come together. After all, 63 million of us voted for him.

And did you see the cheers and tears of people all over the world? They want us to be the country that we can be.

As he told us Tuesday night, the road ahead will be a difficult one. We have veered far off course in many ways. But I believe that if we are honest and mindful about our current situation and hold in our collective hearts an intention to move forward with positive action, we can heal.

One step at a time. And this first step, this incredible unifying moment in history, is a good one.

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Playing the “What If?” game

Oct 27th 2008SavannahBeing Successful & Finances

Have you found yourself focusing on some scary what ifs? lately? In a climate of change, many people are fearing the worst. What if I lose my job? What if we can’t pay our bills? What if I have to go back to work waiting tables?

I was talking to my Personal Coach the other day about some of my own concerns and she challenged me to play the What If? Game!

Here is how it works:

  • Take a sheet of paper and write out all the scary what ifs?. Really admit to yourself exactly what you are afraid might happen. If you have a partner, it would be really powerful to do this together.
  • Allow yourself to feel all the feelings that go with the scary what ifs? and acknowledge the reasons you have these fears.
  • Then take the page and burn it, shred it, send into oblivion.
  • Then take a new, fresh page. Right out all the other what ifs?. You know the ones that are also possible… What if you get a raise? What if you have a new idea in your business and your clients love it? What if every day is filled with the joy of being with your kids and you find more supportive connections in your community?
  • Allow yourself to feel what your life would be like if these possibilities were true!
  • Then, challenge yourself every day to take an action, however small, towards making these reality.

You see, we don’t really know the future. Unless you are way more psychic than me, you don’t know what could happen in your life. Yes, maybe some of the scary what ifs?. But also maybe some of the really positive ones. And the thing is, I believe that where ever you focus your attention, your creative energy follows. If you don’t know what might happen, why not focus on what you would love to have happen?

I am not suggesting you sink into denial or become an overly positive, head-in-the-clouds person. I think you can be very grounded and also keep your attention focused on the possibilities by being present with the every day, current reality of your life while moving towards your intentions.

So, go ahead. Play the What If? Game!

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FEAR: Future Events Appearing Real

Oct 2nd 2008SavannahBeing Present & Finances

I made a TV appearance on Monday morning on the AM Northwest morning show, sharing about how to move forward when you feel stuck. However, there was some bigger news that morning. The stock market plummeted, Congress couldn’t agree to a rescue measure for the current financial situation and people were scared.

Usually after my TV appearances, the phone rings and rings. Monday morning? Nothing. Not one call. Perhaps not many people saw my segment, focused as they were on the other news. Or maybe, they felt frozen.

My coach and I were chatting today about the acronym FEAR: Future Events Appearing Real. What strikes me about the current economic climate is that it is driven by fear. Fear makes people rush to the bank to pull out their money or dash to the phone to sell off their stock.  People disconnect from one another, compete for assumed limited resources and base their decisions on what might happen.

So what can you, a person who wants to find equilibrium, do in the midst of this situation?

Be Present.

Do you have a roof over your head and enough food today? Is your family cared for and are your own needs met? While these things are not true for many people in the world, what is your current situation?

Being present means being aware of what you are actually experiencing today, right now, instead of focusing your attention on what might happen. When you are present in the now, you might feel more gratitude than fear. Think of all the times in your past that you have been afraid of what might happen. How many times did your worst fear actually occur? Usually, our minds can create far more terrifying outcomes than reality brings.

Many of your fears are reasonable. You want to keep your job and home. You want to live in a country that is abundant and you want to have opportunities open to you and your family. But do you think your fear and anxiety will bring you closer to these desires?

Set intentions for what you DO want to experience and then take actions in alignment with them.

I am not suggesting that you disconnect from reality.  What I do believe is that your intentions are powerful because they focus your thoughts in more positive direction. The way you think influences your emotions and how you feel about your life is expressed through your actions. And your actions have a direct influence on your experiences and outcomes.

A simple intention like, No matter what happens I know that all is well, might allow you to take some deep breaths, focus your attention on all the things that are going well in the present and even inspire you to take action that would have been impossible if you were stuck in fear.

Be clear about your purpose and priorities.

Times of crisis often invite us to focus our energy and become more inventive! When the proverbial poo hits the fan, it is even more important to be clear about what you are doing in your life. When you are living intentionally and in alignment with your purpose, you are much less likely to be sidetracked by fear. You know that whatever happens in the financial climate, you will weather the storm.

I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship.

Louisa May Alcott

Connect to your own personal faith.

If you are a spiritual or religious person, you might find your faith tested by your fear. It is much easier to say you trust in God/The Universe/Divine Light when things are going well. During times of challenge, you have the opportunity to really explore, what do I believe? What is this reality all about anyway?

So, I invite you to take a few deep breaths with me (right now) and realize that while you might not be able to control the financial market, you can choose your attitude.

And that might have a lot more impact than you think.

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