It can be easy to focus on problems. The big brick wall you see standing between you and the man/job/creative venture/ect… of your dreams is hard to miss. But, if you are only looking at that cold, rough surface, you might forget that you have scaled walls before and even have a special skill you can use. Or maybe you are so entranced with how tall the wall is, you don’t take the time to see if it is really as long as you feared. Did you forget about all the friends you have who could hold the ladder while you climb?

The benefits of gratitude are scientifically proven. Robert Emmons of UC Davis performed a series of studies on gratitude with some of the following results:

• Those who kept a gratitude journal exercised more frequently and had fewer physical symptoms
• They had better success with a large range of personal and professional goals
• They were more likely to help someone else or offer emotional support
• A group with neuromuscular disease reported better energy levels, mood and sleep

Is there an area of your life where you would like to have more clarity or fulfillment? Do you have a big change you navigating? If so, make gratitude a regular practice; I promise that it will open your heart to greater possibilities!

Photo by Campbell Salgado Studio

The 2010 Portland Mama Makeover is coming to an end this week. It has been an amazing experience to work with Andrea Moore, this year’s winner. I had the honor of being her personal life coach for this healing journey; we cried, laughed and dreamed together over the two months.

After weekly sessions of Pilates, acupuncture, bodywork, coaching and more, the changes in her are dramatic. She is stronger, sits up taller and holds herself with more intention. Her after-makeover photo session with Campbell Salgado Studios speaks volumes about the difference this experience has had in her body.

Her energy level has increased and she often talks about a new feeling of “aliveness.” She has had some incredible moments of clarity that are opening doors in her life in several directions. I can’t wait to see which ones she chooses to step through!

Andrea wrote a tender blog about our coaching work together. If you want to be inspired by a woman who is truly willing to live fully, even after suffering a devastating loss, take a moment to read her story.

I am already looking forward to next year’s Mama Makeover!

Once we begin to unravel the thinking process, a few key issues become clear with most people:

*When considering change, people often focus on the ultimate goal as if it has to happen right now. “But, I am scared to just quit my job and start something new. It feels like jumping into the unknown,” many say. This kind of thinking is definitely terrifying! If you are assuming a career change means that you have to give up something safe and familiar for something completely un-charted, your whole system will naturally revolt.

I find that mapping out the process of change can be incredibly helpful for most people. Because we don’t usually leap from Step A to Step Z, having a clear plan for all the steps in between calms the mind. For a person changing careers, the first step might be something as simple as exploring interests or brainstorming ideas.  By starting with something that feels safe and doable (and even fun!) resistance is lowered.

*The sympathetic nervous system responds to change as if it is life-threatening, even when it is not! Any perceived stress can trigger the “flight or fight” response in the amygdala of the brain, a response that was regularly needed to kick us into gear when that tiger pounced out of the jungle, and is still with us today. So that frozen feeling you get when you think about speaking up in a conflict or the heart-racing panic you feel when thinking about your new venture are just natural protective mechanisms.

The easiest way to work with this unconscious reaction to change is to move so slowly that your system does not notice it! If you want to take better care of your body but feel totally overwhelmed at the thought of heading to the gym four times a week, start with walking down the block for five minutes every day. This might seem silly but once you get the momentum rolling and bypass your own resistance, you will create a pattern that is much more sustainable.

*Change brings up our limiting beliefs. For most people, anything risky causes us to open the whole file we keep in our brains about failure, needing to be accepted/loved, being seen/exposed and more. The challenge is that we often believe these messages and they keep us from trying anything that might prove them right. Unfortunately, this can also keep us from trying things that could make us incredibly happy too.

The good news is that limiting beliefs are all in your head. You formed them at some point because they kept you safe but they aren’t serving you anymore. By acknowledging and questioning them and then finding more supportive ways of thinking, you can override this autopilot in your mind. Read more about transforming limiting beliefs.

If you are considering a change but feel terrified or stuck, take heart! Your fear means that you are human like the rest of us! And, with careful awareness, you can move forward despite the inner resistance. Remember, change is actually the most predictable element in your life!

Sustainable change often comes from tiny, purposeful steps in a positive direction. My blog for Zenana Spa and Wellness Center today is all about how to Dream Big, Start Small. Give it a read and I bet you will be inspired to take a tiny step yourself!

We all have had experiences that made us very present and conscious: pleasurable moments of enjoying a meal or treat so much that we were captivated by the flavor, smells and texture; intimate encounters with someone who we love that made us very present in our bodies; heart-breaking losses that brought grief so close, we felt fully immersed in emotion.

I regularly hear clients sharing about painful experiences that made them very present to what is real and important in their lives. From going through cancer treatment to losing a loved one, sometimes pain is a powerful presence instigator.

Can you remember a time when you were very aware of the present moment? It might have felt almost like time stood still and everything around you sharpened. You noticed something you had never noticed before. You experienced clarity and connection to your emotions and body sensations.

It could have been enjoying the most amazing creme brulee of your life or it could have been standing at the altar, staring into your partner’s eyes, but I bet you can remember something that triggered a state of presence for you.

Take a few moments right now to remember an event that made you very present in your body and emotions. Allow yourself to feel the experience as if it were happening now. What sensations do you feel? What is important to you as you immerse yourself in the moment? What do you know with clarity?

What would it take for you to be this present in the very next moment of your life, no matter what is happening?

As a Life Coach for women, a big part of my job is supporting clients in uncovering the truth that hides beneath their limiting thoughts about themselves and their lives. Like a professional organizer who comes in and helps you see beneath the piles and stacks to the essence of what you really want to have in your space, I guide my clients to do the same within themselves.

We all have regularly occurring thoughts that block our progress and growth, that tell us lies about our self-worth and that sabotage our relationships. Some are fairly obvious and we only half-believe them. Other thoughts are woven into our consciousness so deeply that we don’t even know they are limiting us.

The first step to freedom from limiting thoughts and beliefs is to become aware of them. For the more obvious ones, this is fairly simple and you probably already question them regularly. “No one likes me” might come to the surface when you are feeling low, but you don’t really believe it most of the time.

But the deeper limiting beliefs can be more difficult to uncover.

Once you understand the common qualities of a self-limiting thought/belief, you will be able to identify and shift them.

1. Limiting thoughts and beliefs are usually based in fear. They often have common themes like: fear of abandonment (I need to make other people happy so they will stick around); fear of deprivation (You should work hard (at a job you hate) or you will end up in the streets); fear of failure (I have to be productive all the time or things will fall apart).

2. They tell us who we have to be in order to be loved and accepted. “If I am my authentic self, no one will really like me.” These thoughts tell you that you are not accepted or acceptable just as you are.

3. They block your progress and keep you stuck. Whenever you are feeling stuck or un-happy, you can bet a self-limiting belief is operating. People are often afraid to take a risk and try something that would be really fulfilling for them because of a limiting belief like: “Things never turn out to be as good as you want.”

Ready to discover some of your self-limiting beliefs? Try the following exercise:

Take some time in a quiet place and contemplate each phrase. Allow your mind to quickly react to each one and take note of what comes to you. Move on to the next phrase only when you feel complete.

I am…

I am not…

Women are…

Men are…

I am good with…

I am not good with…

I will never be able to…

I don’t deserve…

My family…

I always…

I never…

I should…

I have to…

Money is…

Now go through your list and circle the ones that feel self-limiting or that hold you back in life.

Check back next week for Part II where I share an important process for transforming these limiting thoughts.

While these women have so many more opportunities than women did three decades ago, they are still very conflicted when it comes to navigating the myriad of decisions around career and family life.

When to get married and have kids, how to move forward in their careers while making time for their families, how to “share” household and child care with busy working husbands…or even not to have kids and just focus on career. And some moms decide to stay home with young children but feel left behind and misunderstood by a world focused on achievement.

One issue with this book is that it only focuses on a small sub-culture: white, highly educated, heterosexual, middle to upper class women. The other thing that was missing for me was an exploration of the bigger picture. Why is our culture so focused on achievement and money at all costs? What would change if feminine power was acknowledged instead of women being expected to operate the same way a man would? Would our world be kinder and less violent?

Flux is a fascinating read because it offers intimate glimpses into the women’s lives and stories. Orenstein doesn’t try to come up with any solutions, but does suggest that equality would be better served by men taking on more child-raising and household tasks and work environments being more family-friendly.

I know that there isn’t one way that will work for every woman and her family. I have found that when we listen deeply to our hearts and inner wisdom (rather than what society tells us we should be doing) we will always find the answer.

How do you make choices in your own life around career and family?

Most busy women lose time in the “have-to” activities. We all have them! Things we do because we feel obligated, even though they don’t always match our priorities and we often feel resentful when doing them. Read more about changing your relationship to the “have-to” activities.

One of the most powerful shifts you can make is to view time as an investment. When you are clear that you choose how to use every moment of your day, you are being more honest with yourself! Even doing something out of obligation is a choice.

How are you going to invest your valuable time today?

My article on Mamapreneurs Inc today is all about how to find hidden time in your time traps. Give it a read!