Archive for the 'intentions' tag
Aug 21st 2009SavannahBeing Successful
As a client was leaving my office last week, she turned to me and said: “Savannah, you are a brain organizer.” I looked puzzled for a minute and then laughed when she said, “My thoughts are so clear right now!”
As a Life Coach for women, a big part of my job is supporting clients in uncovering the truth that hides beneath their limiting thoughts about themselves and their lives. Like a professional organizer who comes in and helps you see beneath the piles and stacks to the essence of what you really want to have in your space, I guide my clients to do the same within themselves.
We all have regularly occurring thoughts that block our progress and growth, that tell us lies about our self-worth and that sabotage our relationships. Some are fairly obvious and we only half-believe them. Other thoughts are woven into our consciousness so deeply that we don’t even know they are limiting us.
The first step to freedom from limiting thoughts and beliefs is to become aware of them. For the more obvious ones, this is fairly simple and you probably already question them regularly. “No one likes me” might come to the surface when you are feeling low, but you don’t really believe it most of the time.
But the deeper limiting beliefs can be more difficult to uncover.
Once you understand the common qualities of a self-limiting thought/belief, you will be able to identify and shift them.
1. Limiting thoughts and beliefs are usually based in fear. They often have common themes like: fear of abandonment (I need to make other people happy so they will stick around); fear of deprivation (You should work hard (at a job you hate) or you will end up in the streets); fear of failure (I have to be productive all the time or things will fall apart).
2. They tell us who we have to be in order to be loved and accepted. “If I am my authentic self, no one will really like me.” These thoughts tell you that you are not accepted or acceptable just as you are.
3. They block your progress and keep you stuck. Whenever you are feeling stuck or un-happy, you can bet a self-limiting belief is operating. People are often afraid to take a risk and try something that would be really fulfilling for them because of a limiting belief like: “Things never turn out to be as good as you want.”
Ready to discover some of your self-limiting beliefs? Try the following exercise:
Take some time in a quiet place and contemplate each phrase. Allow your mind to quickly react to each one and take note of what comes to you. Move on to the next phrase only when you feel complete.
I am…
I am not…
Women are…
Men are…
I am good with…
I am not good with…
I will never be able to…
I don’t deserve…
My family…
I always…
I never…
I should…
I have to…
Money is…
Now go through your list and circle the ones that feel self-limiting or that hold you back in life.
Check back next week for Part II where I share an important process for transforming these limiting thoughts.
Jul 22nd 2009SavannahBeing Successful & Motherhood
I am reading a very thought-provoking book right now. Flux: Women on Sex, Work, Love, Kids, and Life in a Half-Changed World by Peggy Orenstein is based on 200 interviews with women between the ages of 20 and 45 about the choices that they are making in a world only half changed by feminism.
While these women have so many more opportunities than women did three decades ago, they are still very conflicted when it comes to navigating the myriad of decisions around career and family life.
When to get married and have kids, how to move forward in their careers while making time for their families, how to “share” household and child care with busy working husbands…or even not to have kids and just focus on career. And some moms decide to stay home with young children but feel left behind and misunderstood by a world focused on achievement.
One issue with this book is that it only focuses on a small sub-culture: white, highly educated, heterosexual, middle to upper class women. The other thing that was missing for me was an exploration of the bigger picture. Why is our culture so focused on achievement and money at all costs? What would change if feminine power was acknowledged instead of women being expected to operate the same way a man would? Would our world be kinder and less violent?
Flux is a fascinating read because it offers intimate glimpses into the women’s lives and stories. Orenstein doesn’t try to come up with any solutions, but does suggest that equality would be better served by men taking on more child-raising and household tasks and work environments being more family-friendly.
I know that there isn’t one way that will work for every woman and her family. I have found that when we listen deeply to our hearts and inner wisdom (rather than what society tells us we should be doing) we will always find the answer.
How do you make choices in your own life around career and family?
Jun 10th 2009SavannahTime management
I am a blogger for the Mamapreneurs.com site and my recent topic is TIME! As busy women, we all wish we had more time. And the truth is, you do! You just need to know where to find it…
Most busy women lose time in the “have-to” activities. We all have them! Things we do because we feel obligated, even though they don’t always match our priorities and we often feel resentful when doing them. Read more about changing your relationship to the “have-to” activities.
One of the most powerful shifts you can make is to view time as an investment. When you are clear that you choose how to use every moment of your day, you are being more honest with yourself! Even doing something out of obligation is a choice.
How are you going to invest your valuable time today?
May 27th 2009SavannahTime management
If you said “Yes!” then I have some good news for you. You do have more time! You just need to know where to find it. You see, we each have 24 hours in every day. I know, you have a lot of demands on your time. As busy women, we all do!
My article on Mamapreneurs Inc today is all about how to find hidden time in your time traps. Give it a read!
May 13th 2009SavannahBeing Successful & Motherhood
As a personal coach for women, I notice a common theme for working mamas is guilt. Most of the mamas I talk to experience guilt at one time or another. Either they feel like that are failing their own standards as moms or they feel like they can’t keep up with the demands of life and business.
Often the women who are the most passionate about their work and families are the ones who fall into the guilt trap most often.
But as you know, guilt is not very productive. It doesn’t make you a better mom or help you think proactively about your life. However, it is a great indicator that it is time to think creatively and shift priorities!
My article today for Mamapreneurs, Inc. is all about why giving up the guilt is good for your family and your business! Give it a read!
May 8th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
Today the little monkey and I ate an entire watermelon, met friends at the park to play, took the styder balance bike around the neighborhood and enjoyed a long snugly nap together.
I always look forward to Fridays! It is the one week day that I don’t work so I make it my day to play with the little guy. And usually Friday nights are movie night with my sweetie.
Before the little monkey was born, Papa Bear and I bonded over movies. I remember early in our dating (first date maybe?) when he told me that his favorite movie (and he had seen it like 20 times) was Blade Runner, I swooned (and not just because I was thinking about Harrison Ford). We enjoyed going to Cinema 21 and catching new indie films and watching old favorites on the big TV. The big guy even has a degree in Film and dreams of finishing his screen play and shooting his motorcycle movie. I know one day he will.
These days, we don’t get to the movies very often. And, only recently has the little monkey been sleeping consistently enough for us to really sink into a good flick at home. When we do, I sometimes have a sensation of the old “us.” A couple of movie geeks who like real buttered popcorn, beautiful cinematography, skillful direction and the magic of human drama unfolding on screen. It is a good reminder because like most couples, we get really caught up in the business of living.
So tonight the Self Nurture is all about movie night!
How about you?
May 7th 2009SavannahBeing Present & Self-Nurture
Do you have a busy mind? Do you feel more comfortable being productive, “getting things done” and being in motion? Do you tend to over-think or make assumptions?
If so, you are a lot like me! I have always struggled with the delicate balance between doing and being. Because I write a blog about mindfulness in mothering, you might assume that I am a master of meditation and mindfulness.
WRONG!
I am the one who needs every single one of my own reminders. I write this blog for myself more than anyone!
Yes, I have taught yoga, given over 500 massages, gone on Vipassana Retreats, led hundreds of meditation and mindfulness exercises. I even offer body-centered coaching to help my clients calm their minds and connect with their bodies.
And still, I am learning. For me, it is a daily practice.
In Buddhism, this busy mind is called the monkey mind. Imagine a room, full of screeching monkeys! It is restless and unsettled, never content in the present moment. It creates anxiety, feelings of dissatisfaction and distraction. The monkey mind will always have you doubt yourself.
My Self Nurture practice today was to focus my thoughts on being present in the moment.
Did you know that we have an average of 60.000 thoughts per day? And many of those thoughts are fears about something that might (or might not) happen, assumptions about what other people think about us and self-limiting beliefs. No wonder we get so stressed!
So today when my mind wandered away from focusing on present time, I gently nudged it back. When I remembered…Because you know how quickly the monkey mind takes over!
Here are three questions that inspire present-time thinking:
1. What am I feeling (emotions and sensations) right now?
2. Where is my attention?
3. What do I need to be more present in this moment? Sometimes it is simple like a glass of water or a deep breath. Other times it is more complex, like completing a task that is distracting me or talking about something this is bothering me.
Being present is an empowering and nurturing practice. Only in present time can I really enjoy my life, connect with my loved ones and take actions that make a difference in my health and well-being.
How are you nurturing yourself today?
May 6th 2009SavannahBeing Present & Health and Healing & Self-Nurture
Today I want to challenge you to think about your relationship to your body. The following is an article I wrote for the Zenana Spa and Wellness Center newsletter:
How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?
Your body can offer you two types of wisdom:
- Clear signals about what you need in order to be healthy.
- Intuitive information or guidance about your life direction and choices.
At times you might notice a vague sense of discomfort in your body but you don’t stop long enough to determine what it is. Or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally break down, get sick or are too exhausted to function. Sometimes your body speaks loudly and you still ignore the messages.
There are also times you might not want to listen to your body. When you are busy and stressed, you might not think you have time to slow down and take care of yourself. You get caught up in being productive, taking care of others and feeling overwhelmed. And the less you tune into your body, the more you miss the subtle messages.
But can you really afford not to listen?
Your body also sends you information through physiological sensations. Your heart rate increases, you begin to sweat, your belly or chest feels tight, or you have a sensation of “not right-ness.” Your body is asking you to pay attention.
Remember the last time you felt a strong sensation in your belly or a gripping in your chest right before you made a decision that you later regretted. If you had stopped to pause and reflect on the guidance you were receiving from your body, would you have made a different choice?
Isn’t it wonderful that your body actually does talk to you? Instead of feeling frustrated that you are so sensitive or trying to avoid pain and anxiety, you can choose to embrace the wisdom that your body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!
What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.
Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.
I am offering a FREE women’s circle on Saturday, May 16th from 3 to 4pm at Zenana Spa. We are going to focus on connecting to our body wisdom. If you want to join me, please RSVP.
For my nurturing today, I got a massage. For me, bodywork is a way to listen deeply to my body and take time to relax and restore my energy. As a massage therapist, it is imperative that I get regular bodywork. I am also very blessed to have health insurance that covers massage therapy. And don’t even get me started on how necessary it is for insurance companies to cover alternative and preventative health care…
What was your Self Nurture practice today?
May 6th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
I was inspired and excited by all the comments on my Mindfully Mothering blog from other mamas yesterday about their simple yet nourishing Self Nurture practices!
While reading them, I noticed that many of the acts: drinking a cup of tea, listening to music, window shopping, reading, soaking in the tub…are ones that many of us do regularly. And yet it was the intention and presence these mamas gave to the actions that made them truly Self Nurturing!
My Self Nurture practice today was to create time to connect with people who are important to me. You know how busy life can be…As a working mama, I often get caught up in getting things done and lose track of making time just to connect.
So today I called Sweet boy’s Step-Mama to chat about his upcoming Prom, hear all about his tux fitting and just catch up. I am blessed to have a great relationship with her and Sweet boy is blessed to have two mamas who love him so much!
After our conversation, I sat down and wrote Sweet boy a little card, sharing how proud I am of him and how excited I am for him about his Prom. I wish I could be there to see him shining in his stylish Tux. Then I let myself feel how much I miss him and looked at some photos of him when he was a little guy.
Over the past few years as Sweet boy and I having been living apart, I have missed him every minute of every day. But I don’t often let myself just have the time to sit and experience my feelings of sadness and longing.
So today, I am just missing my Sweet boy and that is the most nurturing gift I can give myself.
How are you caring for yourself tenderly today?
May 4th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
Okay mamas, we are gearing up for another Self Nurture Challenge! This is my yearly ritual and it is a lot of fun! This year, we are going to focus on nurturing the four areas of our personal well-being: our bodies, our minds, our emotions and our spirits!
The Self Nurture Challenge will officially begin on Monday and I will post a mini-blog entry every day until Mother’s Day, reminding you of the importance of taking care of yourself and offering some insights into how to make it work in the chaos of daily life with a family!
Here is the challenge:
- Every day, starting Monday, May 4th, engage in at least one self nurturing activity. It can be fast, it can be free, but it has to be nourishing to you.
- Log on to my blog at the end of the day and I will have a daily post up by 8pm detailing my nurturing activity of the day. Leave a comment to share about what you did. Let’s inspire and support each other in caring for ourselves.
In honor of all mamas, I am offering a 20% discount on all integrative massage therapy sessions in May for any woman in the Portland, Oregon area who is actively mothering children (you might be an auntie who cares for kids, a step-mom or even a very busy grandmama). Feel free to pass this on to friends who might be interested and call to schedule your session, they will book up fast!
Stay tuned next week for the Self Nurture challenge and remember, you can subscribe to this blog by email to stay in touch.
Okay, who is going to participate in the challenge for next week?
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