Living in the Northwest, I have developed a new relationship with sunshine. You see, I grew up in Texas, where we had more sunny, hot days than I could appreciate. But now, I consider sunshine to be a rare and precious commodity.

When I was a kid on our family ranch in West Texas, we had the exact opposite problem as we do here in Portland, Oregon. We had plenty of blue sky days, but a big shortage of rain. I can still hear my Abuelito’s (Grandfather’s) deep voice saying grace, “Lord, thank you for this food and please send us some rain.” The next day would bring a reminder: “Lord, we still need rain, thanks.”

The dry dusty high desert of Southwest Texas might only get a sparse 10 to 15 inches of rain per year (compared to a generous 40  inches here in Oregon). I can promise you that my Abuelito stood outside, took off his hat and praised the sky for every drop of rain that fed his cattle and crops.

This morning I was reminded of my Abuelito’s pure enjoyment of rain during Nia dance class. For a rare moment, the sun broke out of the heavy cloud cover and shone through the windows of the classroom.  A loud communal holler broke out from the dancers as we were immersed in golden light. Our energy rose, appreciating the joy of the moment.

We might not get much sun here in the Northwest, but we know how to pause and enjoy it when we do.

What feels rare and important in your life right now? Maybe it is time to nurture yourself or it might be time to connect with your  family or loved ones. Perhaps you don’t get many creative bursts these days or not enough sleep, exercise, adventure…the list could go on and on.

Whatever it is for you, I challenge you to learn from my Abuelito. When you do find that rare moment, that precious beam of sunlight, immerse yourself in it with deep appreciation. I promise that you will get more from ten minutes of being fully present than you will get from ten hours of barely noticing.

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Often clients come to me with the goal of being more present in their lives. They have a sense of precious moments passing them by, their relationships could use more loving attention, and their bodies are begging them to slow down and be more mindful.

And yet they are surprised at how hard it is to practice presence.

I often hear feedback along these lines:

I went home and paid attention to how my body was feeling, but it only lasted a few seconds and then my mind was spinning again and I forgot my body completely.

I try to really listen when my toddler talks to me but honestly, I get so bored and then I start to remember all the things I need to get done and I feel distracted.

I want to be present, I really do. But, I just can’t stay focused more than a few minutes and then I find myself worrying about something that might happen or remembering something that already happened. Then I get mad at myself for getting caught up in these thoughts.

Let’s be honest: Being present is not easy nor does it come naturally to those of us raised in a productivity-oriented culture. From the minute we are born, we learn that our value is measured by what we accomplish, the items we check off on our many To-Do lists. Life moves so fast, we spend much of our time processing what happened in the past or stressing out about what is coming up in the future.

Before you get too hard on yourself about what a failure you are at being present, it is helpful to look at the obstacles you might be experiencing.

Common Obstacles to Being Present:

1. You are not sure how to do it! Often people are confused by what it means to “be present.” Because it is not something most of us have learned from an early age, it feels foreign to us.

“Mindfulness practice” can be a very helpful tool. Jon Kabat-Zinn, a well-respected mindfulness teacher, says: “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

Sound easy? It’s not! Being mindful is consciously bringing your attention and awareness into the present moment while observing the emotions, thoughts, sensations, memories and judgments that come up. Instead of reacting to what arises, mindfulness practice invites you to witness your feelings and thoughts while staying rooted in the present experience.

For most of us, it is helpful to have some guidance when beginning mindfulness practice. Working with an experienced teacher or coach, reading books that offer helpful tools or listening to CDs can be very supportive and instructive.

2. Something needs your attention. It can be difficult to be mindful when you are avoiding something that is demanding your attention. When you have unspoken words that continue to surface in your mind or a painful memory that needs healing, you are continually distracted from the present so that you can pay attention to what needs to be completed.

3. You have unmet needs in the moment. Perhaps you are trying to be present with your child, but your back is screaming in pain. Or you want to listen to your partner, but you are feeling triggered and reactive and just need a break. Being mindful is often about being honest. If the thing you are most present to in this moment is an unmet need, tending to that will make you more available in the long run.

4.  You are stuck in an addictive pattern. Perhaps you are a chronic worrier or in a cycle of anxiety. Or you get sucked into the computer or TV and can’t seem to stop checking your email, Facebook or the news. Maybe your identity is very attached to being productive and taking the time to pause and reflect in the present feels impossible. In Buddhism, the busy, untrained mind is called the “monkey mind” and is considered the cause of much suffering.

Like any addiction, chronic busyness (in thoughts and action) takes awareness and commitment to change. And the first step is just realizing that it is an actual problem, not just a state of “being busy.”

5. You don’t realize the benefits of being present.What percentage of your life are you actually awake and alive to the present moment? Most people spend only a fraction of their time actually in the moment they are living. But the reality is that if you want to make any positive impact in your life, it is going to happen in the present!

By practicing presence and mindfulness, you are better able to make empowered choices, access inner clarity, change habits and learn to trust yourself.

Take some time this week to discover your own obstacles to being present and then take action: get in the present before it passes you by! Check back for a post on some simple steps to begin your mindfulness practice.

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My toddler and I were at the park the other day, enjoying the last days of our beautiful Portland summer. He loves to swing and the delight on his face as he flies through the air reminds me of the importance of simple pleasure. He can swing for an hour without getting bored or thinking there is something else he should be doing.

How many hours do I pass in such perfect presence?

There was a woman pushing her grandson on the swing next to us. The mother of the toddler stood nearby with her brand new 11-day-old baby in a stroller. As mothers do, our conversation turned to the realities of mothering. The grandmother said she is a pediatric nurse whose job is to answer the call line at a busy clinic. I was fascinated by this.

What do mothers call to ask about the most?

She said, you wouldn’t believe the pressure women feel these days to breastfeed. It is ridiculous. There are many, many women who just can’t. I mean really, what’s the difference? You feed your baby either way, bottle or breast. 

I paused.

I care a lot about breastfeeding and believe that while some women just can’t due to a variety of challenges, many women who are struggling just need more resources and support (from someone who believes in them).

In coaching, we often use this tool: connect with the storyteller not the story. This nurse had a very strong story about women and breastfeeding, based on her own beliefs and experiences. And I have my own story, based on my experiences. I could, of course, argue with her. But, I also had the opportunity to really hear her words and connect to the feelings and needs behind them. I took a deep breath.

Are you concerned about how stressed new mothers feel and guilty when they feel that are not successful as moms?

Yes! Other women are so critical of each other. And there are all these books out there claiming the right way to do things. Women need to trust their own bodies.

I feel the same way! In this moment I realized our conversation went an entirely different direction than it would have if we had focused on an issue or ideology. Now we were talking about how much we cared about women and both had a need for them to trust themselves.

Moments like these are so powerful. When I was younger, I was a passionate activist and would argue with anyone about issues I cared about like bicycle commuting, natural childbirth, protecting the environment and more… But often the conversations would be frustrating and end with no one really listening. Lately, I am learning how listening to people with different opinions than mine and finding a way to connect to their feelings and needs is much more productive.

The truth is we all have similar needs. We just have very different strategies for meeting them. And being heard is one of our primary needs as human beings. If you can meet that need, often miracles can happen in understanding and change.

This post was taken from my blog for mamas at www.mindfullymothering.com

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