Archive for the 'perspective' tag
May 13th 2009SavannahBeing Successful & Motherhood
As a personal coach for women, I notice a common theme for working mamas is guilt. Most of the mamas I talk to experience guilt at one time or another. Either they feel like that are failing their own standards as moms or they feel like they can’t keep up with the demands of life and business.
Often the women who are the most passionate about their work and families are the ones who fall into the guilt trap most often.
But as you know, guilt is not very productive. It doesn’t make you a better mom or help you think proactively about your life. However, it is a great indicator that it is time to think creatively and shift priorities!
My article today for Mamapreneurs, Inc. is all about why giving up the guilt is good for your family and your business! Give it a read!
May 7th 2009SavannahBeing Present & Self-Nurture
Do you have a busy mind? Do you feel more comfortable being productive, “getting things done” and being in motion? Do you tend to over-think or make assumptions?
If so, you are a lot like me! I have always struggled with the delicate balance between doing and being. Because I write a blog about mindfulness in mothering, you might assume that I am a master of meditation and mindfulness.
WRONG!
I am the one who needs every single one of my own reminders. I write this blog for myself more than anyone!
Yes, I have taught yoga, given over 500 massages, gone on Vipassana Retreats, led hundreds of meditation and mindfulness exercises. I even offer body-centered coaching to help my clients calm their minds and connect with their bodies.
And still, I am learning. For me, it is a daily practice.
In Buddhism, this busy mind is called the monkey mind. Imagine a room, full of screeching monkeys! It is restless and unsettled, never content in the present moment. It creates anxiety, feelings of dissatisfaction and distraction. The monkey mind will always have you doubt yourself.
My Self Nurture practice today was to focus my thoughts on being present in the moment.
Did you know that we have an average of 60.000 thoughts per day? And many of those thoughts are fears about something that might (or might not) happen, assumptions about what other people think about us and self-limiting beliefs. No wonder we get so stressed!
So today when my mind wandered away from focusing on present time, I gently nudged it back. When I remembered…Because you know how quickly the monkey mind takes over!
Here are three questions that inspire present-time thinking:
1. What am I feeling (emotions and sensations) right now?
2. Where is my attention?
3. What do I need to be more present in this moment? Sometimes it is simple like a glass of water or a deep breath. Other times it is more complex, like completing a task that is distracting me or talking about something this is bothering me.
Being present is an empowering and nurturing practice. Only in present time can I really enjoy my life, connect with my loved ones and take actions that make a difference in my health and well-being.
How are you nurturing yourself today?
May 6th 2009SavannahBeing Present & Health and Healing & Self-Nurture
Today I want to challenge you to think about your relationship to your body. The following is an article I wrote for the Zenana Spa and Wellness Center newsletter:
How does your body communicate with you? How often do you pause to really listen to the messages your body sends you?
Your body can offer you two types of wisdom:
- Clear signals about what you need in order to be healthy.
- Intuitive information or guidance about your life direction and choices.
At times you might notice a vague sense of discomfort in your body but you don’t stop long enough to determine what it is. Or, you forget to listen to your body’s signals until you finally break down, get sick or are too exhausted to function. Sometimes your body speaks loudly and you still ignore the messages.
There are also times you might not want to listen to your body. When you are busy and stressed, you might not think you have time to slow down and take care of yourself. You get caught up in being productive, taking care of others and feeling overwhelmed. And the less you tune into your body, the more you miss the subtle messages.
But can you really afford not to listen?
Your body also sends you information through physiological sensations. Your heart rate increases, you begin to sweat, your belly or chest feels tight, or you have a sensation of “not right-ness.” Your body is asking you to pay attention.
Remember the last time you felt a strong sensation in your belly or a gripping in your chest right before you made a decision that you later regretted. If you had stopped to pause and reflect on the guidance you were receiving from your body, would you have made a different choice?
Isn’t it wonderful that your body actually does talk to you? Instead of feeling frustrated that you are so sensitive or trying to avoid pain and anxiety, you can choose to embrace the wisdom that your body offers. Once you make the commitment to being mindful, you will find that pain and anxiety decrease. Your body will not have to talk so loudly!
What signals have you been ignoring? Pause and listen to your body right now. What do you need? It might be as simple as a glass of water or as life changing as a new vocation.
Remember, listening to your body is being loving to yourself.
I am offering a FREE women’s circle on Saturday, May 16th from 3 to 4pm at Zenana Spa. We are going to focus on connecting to our body wisdom. If you want to join me, please RSVP.
For my nurturing today, I got a massage. For me, bodywork is a way to listen deeply to my body and take time to relax and restore my energy. As a massage therapist, it is imperative that I get regular bodywork. I am also very blessed to have health insurance that covers massage therapy. And don’t even get me started on how necessary it is for insurance companies to cover alternative and preventative health care…
What was your Self Nurture practice today?
May 6th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
I was inspired and excited by all the comments on my Mindfully Mothering blog from other mamas yesterday about their simple yet nourishing Self Nurture practices!
While reading them, I noticed that many of the acts: drinking a cup of tea, listening to music, window shopping, reading, soaking in the tub…are ones that many of us do regularly. And yet it was the intention and presence these mamas gave to the actions that made them truly Self Nurturing!
My Self Nurture practice today was to create time to connect with people who are important to me. You know how busy life can be…As a working mama, I often get caught up in getting things done and lose track of making time just to connect.
So today I called Sweet boy’s Step-Mama to chat about his upcoming Prom, hear all about his tux fitting and just catch up. I am blessed to have a great relationship with her and Sweet boy is blessed to have two mamas who love him so much!
After our conversation, I sat down and wrote Sweet boy a little card, sharing how proud I am of him and how excited I am for him about his Prom. I wish I could be there to see him shining in his stylish Tux. Then I let myself feel how much I miss him and looked at some photos of him when he was a little guy.
Over the past few years as Sweet boy and I having been living apart, I have missed him every minute of every day. But I don’t often let myself just have the time to sit and experience my feelings of sadness and longing.
So today, I am just missing my Sweet boy and that is the most nurturing gift I can give myself.
How are you caring for yourself tenderly today?
May 4th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
Today is the first day of my annual Self Nurture Challenge, leading up to Mother’s Day! I want to encourage and inspire all mothers to consciously choose to care for themselves with tenderness and attention so that they have more energy and presence to give to their lives and families!
Often we think of Self Nurture in terms of our actions: taking time for ourselves, getting regular exercise, keeping up with health-related treatments (like massage therapy or acupuncture), eating healthy… But I love to share about the deeper aspects of Self Nurture.
More than our actions, Self Nurture is about our attitudes.
While actions like eating healthy and exercising are great for you, they are not nearly as nurturing when your attitude is one of “I have to exercise” or “I need to eat salad so I can lose weight.” When your attitude is one of obligation and deprivation, you are not truly nourishing yourself.
Throughout my life, I have struggled with the delicate balance between being healthy and allowing myself to enjoy simple treats and pleasures without guilt.
So, to begin our Self Nurture Challenge, I took myself out for an ice cream cone last night. Standing in line, I noticed a little boy, maybe 5 years old. He was holding a 20 dollar bill in his hand and jumping from foot to foot, eager to order his cone. His freckled face was beaming with delight and and his entire body was alert with expectation.
He wasn’t worrying about calories or wondering if he should be eating dairy right now. He didn’t care if the milk was organic or if the chocolate might keep him up at night. He was intent on enjoying the ice cream with every fiber of his being.
I decided to do the same.
And you know what? It tasted better!
Now, this does not mean that I will make this a weekly ritual. I know that dairy doesn’t agree with me in large quantities and I do like to be mindful about what I eat. But, enjoying (truly enjoying with presence) a yummy treat occasionally is important for my well being!
Every day this week, I will post a new thought or insight about Self Nurture and share my nurturing activity for the day. I invite you to participate and leave a comment with what you are doing to care for yourself this week!
So, how are you nurturing yourself today?
May 4th 2009SavannahSelf-Nurture
Okay mamas, we are gearing up for another Self Nurture Challenge! This is my yearly ritual and it is a lot of fun! This year, we are going to focus on nurturing the four areas of our personal well-being: our bodies, our minds, our emotions and our spirits!
The Self Nurture Challenge will officially begin on Monday and I will post a mini-blog entry every day until Mother’s Day, reminding you of the importance of taking care of yourself and offering some insights into how to make it work in the chaos of daily life with a family!
Here is the challenge:
- Every day, starting Monday, May 4th, engage in at least one self nurturing activity. It can be fast, it can be free, but it has to be nourishing to you.
- Log on to my blog at the end of the day and I will have a daily post up by 8pm detailing my nurturing activity of the day. Leave a comment to share about what you did. Let’s inspire and support each other in caring for ourselves.
In honor of all mamas, I am offering a 20% discount on all integrative massage therapy sessions in May for any woman in the Portland, Oregon area who is actively mothering children (you might be an auntie who cares for kids, a step-mom or even a very busy grandmama). Feel free to pass this on to friends who might be interested and call to schedule your session, they will book up fast!
Stay tuned next week for the Self Nurture challenge and remember, you can subscribe to this blog by email to stay in touch.
Okay, who is going to participate in the challenge for next week?
Apr 27th 2009SavannahCommunication
I have been thinking about assumptions lately and how much they can impact our relationships. While I would like to think of myself as a positive person who is slow to judge, I also tend to over-analyze almost everything! Often I find myself creating elaborate meanings for things that happen without getting information directly from the source.
What happens in your own relationships when you make assumptions? Besides causing you to feel upset and frustrated, they can cause a lot of disconnection too.
And you know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of assumptions. Think about the last time someone made an assumption about something you said or did and it was far from what you intended. How did you feel?
My article in the Tranquil Parent this week is all about how to improve the quality of your relationships with a simple practice: “Assuming positive intent.” Give it a read!
Feb 27th 2009SavannahMotherhood
In my current Work & Life Harmony, group coaching for busy mamas, we have been talking about guilt and how it affects our relationships and every aspect of our lives.
As mamas, we care so much about our families and tend to identify our personal worth in how we feel about the way we mother our children and relate to our partners. We hold ourselves up to often impossibly high standards and have a hard time letting go of our “failures.”
Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever have and perhaps the hardest one to measure in terms of success and progress. Our children are constantly growing and changing and just when we have it all “figured out,” we have toreinvent ourselves.
Because guilt can be such a confusing and deceptive emotion, I always ask, “What is under the guilt?” You see, this big emotion is generally covering some even deeper and more profound feelings. Often guilt is just the symptom.
What is under the guilt?
- A limiting belief or thought. These are the often unconscious messages that control our emotions and help us to feel stuck and unhappy. A common limiting belief that causes guilt for mamas is: Taking care of myself is selfish. Because we are the nurturers, we often feel bad when we take time away from our children to meet our own needs. But is it true? Is it really selfish to take care of yourself?
- An unmet need. Feelings of guilt and self-doubt can be symptoms of a deep need for more connection with our children or partners or for more time being truly present with the ones we love. The key here is quality not quantity. You could spend all day with your kids being distracted and exhausted and not give them the care you can in one hour of being present and listening.
- An un-lived core value. Sometimes we feel guilty when we are not living up to our own personal values. If you are passionate about communicating compassionately and yet find yourself yelling at your kids, you are likely to feel terrible. Or if you care about creating community but feel isolated and lonely, you might turn that into a story about being a bad mother. The key is to uncover what it is you care about, what is missing, and focus on simple actions to bring more of it into your life.
- A strong emotion. Often guilt covers deeper feelings like fear, sadness or frustration. We turn these emotions into self-blame when really we are just stressed with our life situation, feeling anxious or worried, or sad. Guilt can be an easier feeling to process because we can just feel bad about ourselves rather than really look at our lives and our own needs.
So, the next time you notice feelings of guilt and self-judgment sneaking in, ask yourself some questions. What am I really needing right now? What am I telling myself? Is it true? What other feelings can I uncover? What do I care about that I am not living up to right now?
And remember, guilt is a universal emotion for mamas. You are not alone. Having heartfelt conversations with other mamas can be very supportive and enlightening. That mama that you compare yourself to, the one that you think does such a better job than you at “doing it all,” she has her days of guilt and self-doubt too!
Feb 24th 2009SavannahCommunication
I know that you, like me, are choosing to be more conscious in your language, especially in your relationships. But don’t you have those moments when words just slip out? Whether from frustration, distraction or anger, we all use words we wish we didn’t.
What about the words always and never? These two small words pack a powerful punch. My Tranquil Parent article this week is all about the potency of always and never and some good reasons to rethink using them!
Jan 20th 2009SavannahPersonal Growth
On this historic morning, as I listened to Barack Obama giving his inaugural address, I was struck by his call to action for every American. He calls us each to take responsibility in transforming our county and our lives.
Over the past few months, our collective reality has shifted. Our economy is in crisis, our livelihoods feel threatened and many of our worst fears seem to loom on the horizon. From global warming to the national deficit, we can no longer maintain the status quo.
“Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.” -President Barack Obama
We are each given the challenge to look at our own lives and ask: “What hard choices have I failed to make? Where have I not lived from my own values, my own truth? What can I do differently?”
If this is a wake up call, what are you waking up to in your own life?
Each one of us makes a difference in the world. From the mother who lovingly cares for her baby to the store clerk who smiles at his customer to the activist who stands up for her beliefs. Each choice, each word, each action COUNTS.
“On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.” -President Barack Obama
While we might worry that we can’t make a difference in our small corner of the big world, the truth is that each time we choose connection over conflict, inspiration over apathy and resourcefulness over exploitation, we do make a difference. And our new President asks us step up and be who we say we are.
“What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility – a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.” -President Barack Obama
So I am rolling up my sleeves and bravely meeting the challenges in my own life. What about you?
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