Happy New Year!

2010 not only ushers in a new year, it is also the beginning of a new decade. 2009 was a rough year for many people and several clients and friends shared with me their relief that it is over. From economic hardship to illness and relationship challenges, some folks were put through the wringer.

Before you get busy making your New Year’s intentions, I challenge you to pause and reflect on 2009. It is easy to get excited about making a new start and plan everything you want to change, hoping for more fulfillment in the new year.  While intentions can be really helpful, they can also be an excuse to escape the present reality and project a future that might not even be the one you really want.

I am going to suggest a more sustainable and honest way to create change for the new year.

1. Reflect on your journey. A lot happened last year. You might experienced some losses or accomplished something incredible. Or both. Everything that happened (positive or negative) got you to this very moment in your life. And this moment is the launching pad for the next 525, 948 minutes of 2010.

If you are too busy focusing on what comes next without really acknowledging where you are right now, you might have a pretty big gap (maybe even one that is difficult to hurdle) between where you are and where you want to be.

2. Acknowledge what you have learned. You grew last year. You are wiser and know things you didn’t know before. Even the really difficult experiences expanded you in some way. Make a list (right now) of everything you learned last year. Once you have done that, look at how you can apply your new tools to the new year.

3. Get to know the you of 2009. Who were you last year? In your proud moments and in the ones that took you to your knees, what kind of person were you being? We often get so caught up in what we have or what we can do, we forget that our biggest asset is actually who we are.

Take a few minutes to write a paragraph describing yourself last year. If you were a compassionate witness observing yourself, what would you say about the person you were in 2009?

4. What comes next? Now that you know where you have come from, what you have learned and who you were last year, allow yourself to be very curious about your next steps. Do you like the path this current you is forging? Would you like to change directions? If so, what is the easiest and most natural way to do so?

This process will help you create intentions that are more sustainable and authentic than the typical new year’s resolutions! Drop me a line or leave a comment and share what you learned from this exercise!

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I see it every week: A woman comes into my office with a vague sense of discontent. Her life is going fairly well but something is… missing. She considers changing careers, worries about the longevity of her intimate relationship and is struggling to take better care of herself.

She often feels “stuck,” but is not sure why.

She thinks she is coming to see me for support in rearranging her external life: accomplishing her goals, making a plan for a new career or venture and  getting some accountability for changes in diet and exercise.

As we work together, she discovers some core thoughts and beliefs that lead directly to her feelings of dissatisfaction. Before she changes jobs or leaves her husband, she needs to change her thinking.

New research backs up a basic principle of coaching: Changing your thinking patterns literally leads to changes in the brain, positively impacting emotional health.

Time Magazine’s recent article, “How The Brain Rewires Itself,” looks at several studies on the amazing “neuroplasticity,” the ability to change structure and function based on experience in the human adult brain.

“The brain can change as a result of the thoughts we think, as with Pascual-Leone’s virtual piano players. This has important implications for health: something as seemingly insubstantial as a thought can affect the very stuff of the brain, altering neuronal connections in a way that can treat mental illness or, perhaps, lead to a greater capacity for empathy and compassion. It may even dial up the supposedly immovable happiness set point.”

Most of my clients find that once they shift their thinking, their external reality changes as well.

But, it happens more naturally and easily in response to the inner changes. After they “change their minds,” they typically have a greater sense of clarity about what they really want!

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You know how good it feels when you achieve your goals, whether they are small household projects (which can make a big difference) or long-term dreams! Read my post in the Tranquil Parent today for some valuable tips on how to be successful with your goal setting.

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